Changing how I think about the past from “hard” to “rewarding”

I realized I have a really funny story that is causing me to show up in my business in a really sour way that serves no one!

I am aware that I put in way a whole story and too many thoughts, but this is the vibe. Do you recommend I write out a model for each one? Maybe that will actually create more awareness… It’s just the way I think of the whole thing.

C: 0 clients and starting a business
– It was so hard
– It never worked out the way I thought or wanted it to
– It was too hard
– It cost me everything
– It cost me my sanity
– It cost me my life
– It cost so much joy
– It cost me friends
– It cost me experiences
– I don’t know if I would do it again
– It was horrible
– I hated it
– It was so painful
– I hated it
– I had to grow
– It wasn’t even worth it
– I don’t recommend it to anyone
– There was so much failure
– There was so, so much suffering
– It was the worst time of my life
– I don’t even know why the fuck I did it
– I hate that I had to choose the hard way
Feeling: ANGER, resentful, disdain
A: talk about how terrible it was, find evidence for why it was not worth it, not work on business, not talk positive about business, not exude excitement
R: Make it horrible and neglect the positive

I am willing to write out models for each one and take responsibility.

Perspective appreciated, thank you!