How to Coach Multiple Clients Who Refuse the Model

I’m having a very hard time getting my client to see that her thoughts, not other people’s actions, are the cause of her feelings. In this particular case, she holds steadfast to the notion that the other person is “wrong” because that person is not acting according to formal ByLaws (she’s using the “laws” to bolster her stance that she’s right and the other lady is wrong).

I’ve offered her the following ideas and concepts:

– She is giving all of her power away and that until she accepts that her thoughts about what’s happening around her are what causing her feelings, she won’t be able to step back into her full power

– What her brain is doing is natural because of the way it’s wired to respond, but until she becomes aware of her thoughts she will continue to be in a lot pain (she pushed back with “I’m fully aware of my thoughts…believe it or not I’m actually a very conscious and awake person”)

– Our Manuals for others and our desire to control what they think, say, or do will only result in pain for us — but only 100% of the time — because we can’t control the world and it’s exhausting and fruitless when we try (and brought this back to the original point of why she was giving all of her power and agency away)

When I shared that there are a plethora of other thoughts she could have had about her situation, she said “That’s ridiculous, no one thinks like that…this model approach is not right. Maybe in your world it works for you, but this isn’t going to work for me.”

This is the third client I’ve had who is having a really hard time embracing the concepts.

For many folks who are not familiar with Brooke’s podcast, it’s challenging and threatening to open the door, even a little, to entertain these new ways of thinking about themselves and their relation to the world.

Can you please help me with some advice about how to coach clients through this “first phase”?