Mental Clutter

I have a team of 3.  Me, and two others. The other two though have be consistently reminded to do some of their tasks. Not all, but some.

When this happens, I am annoyed, irritated, and it reinforces the experience that I am the one “pulling”. They are helpful most of the time but their ability to level up is not showing itself.

I hired them to help leverage my time, but I am finding I am having to create my own process of follow up because they aren’t.

One of them told me today that she hadn’t done a certain ongoing task (which was designed to leverage my time) since January and did she still want me to do it. Only then did I realize that I knew that she wasn’t doing it, so I had just done my own process for it. No, I hadn’t mentioned anything to her, I just did it. (Yes, I see the issue there).

What I keep returning to, is that I am LCS trained, they aren’t. While, they are inspired by my big goals, I have thoughts like “I am the one who has to do the pulling”. Yes, I know I am the example of what is possible. I get all that… and I want to move from this place I am at. In my better moments, I wonder if they are in the “right seat”, and maybe I need to change up their job/deliverables.

What is curious, is that I see this pattern show up elsewhere in my life, so it isn’t these people who are causing it… that I am clear about.

Here are some models.

Model 1:
C- My team completes some of their tasks, and not others.
T – Maybe what they aren’t doing is not the task they should do
F – Curious (which feels like an uncertain openness)
A – Start to create other job descriptions, consider hiring another spot, don’t question why they aren’t doing them, don’t have the conversations
R – I create more firmly the maybe…

this leads to Model 2:
C – Me as leader
T – I am the one who has to pull
F – Annoyed (which feels like tightness through my body)
A – Do the same as above A’s but with tightness and annoyance, when I do bring it up there is a edge in my voice, I don’t give enough accolades to what they are doing, I don’t plan the job that will leverage me
R – I create the experience of me being the one who has to pull

So, I am seeing the cyclical nature of this. But I still think there is something missing for me. Something BIG. What am I not seeing here?

Thanks for your insight.