2 reply "on good moment"

True. I try that and it works sometime. I think i just have to get better. I will practice it everyday.
I also notice that my thought is something like i don’t love you or stuff like that. So it’s good to know. And i know it’s just a thought.

Aand i know this thought comes from the time where he felt insecure and didn’t go out of his comfort zone , no social skills etc.
And now he’s totally different BUT there are some moments where the old behaviour peeks through. And i get totally disgusted and i find myself not respecting him and not be attracted to him. And think really mean thoughts. I question him as my partner. Well, i think he’s great but i’m just not attracted to this behaviour. That’s a thought i think a lot.

I’m trying to do the work there now.
For example when he’s with sometimes with friends and he tries to impress them and tells a joke and i can feel that he tells it from a place of insecurity and my thoughts are something like
He’s so emberassing, thats so unattractiv.
I don’t like the part of him.

Another example:
He came home from a workevent.
c: my boyfriend told me: we had an intern and he was so bad
t: you are so emberassing.
f: disgust
a: not be attracted to him, saying sometimes mean things to him
r: me not loving on my bf

Ok so when i look at that model now i know my thought « you are so emberassing » comes from the thinking that i think he does it from a place of insecurity and to get the attention. Like he wants to be part of the group and like «sells » his values to be cool.
it’s so emberassing and needy. It doesn’t make me respect him. I react really allergic to that.
it’s just not attractiv to me. The problem is that i question the whole relationship. Because if he would only act that way so insecure and so not sociable and so emberassing i would not be attracted to him at all.
so it was the last 2years..

i want to show up loving and still be attracted to him. NO MATTER WHAT.

But as i said in the moment I question him as a whole person. The feeling of disgust and not being attracted follow me and make me question if he’s the right person. I feel like i’m like one of these women who is marreid 30yrs and digusted by her husband. But only the have been married for 30yrs and we are only together 6yrs. So that’s why i think he’s not the right person if i feel digusted when he does that. I mean it’s part of his character. Part of his personality. Part of him.

When he doesn’t act like that but is more « down to earth » and true to himself i feel so attracted to him. I LOVE HIM and i’m so lucky !!
When i look back at our relationship. I tried to change him a lot because he was insecure and didn’t have any social skills etc. now he does.
But as soon as the behaviour that i described before comes up i remember the time before and how he was insecure and said and did things out of insecurity and that felt so emberassing and not atractiv. was di felt disgusted by his behaviour.

And also i want to work on how i tell my relationship story.
At the moment i tell it like this in my brain:
We met. Fell totally in love. he was so different than anyone else (in a good way) I knew he was special.
BUT there was always something that bothered me. He‘s shy and insecure behaviour and no social skills.
and i also tell myself as there was always this thing which i didn’t feel attracted to meaning he being shy and not sociable. SO because i felt this after our honeymoon phase i feel like he’s not the one.
since the honeymoon phase was over you have tried to „save“ the relationship.

The beginning is very nice but the rest is so negative.
i want to rewrite that part.

Can you help me or make suggestions on how to handle the behaviour i feel so allergic to? I know there is a really god way to handle this. Can’t wait to love him and not feel NO ATTRACTION in those moments.
i think its really interesting.