Abundance or Irresponsible?

Hi Brooke!! Just watched my first VIP call and it was super amazing! So perfect for me around the time management issues. However, I have a nagging question when you were speaking about “living from your future self” i.e. starting a business and living from “it is already successful.” I have a problem with applying that to my particular situation since I am imagining my incredible future based on something that I do not have control over: I am waiting on considerable dividends from an investment I made years back. Apparently things are really coming close to a pay out but it is very hard to believe it will really happen. (Even writing to you about this I feel a bit foolish.) I have been doing a lot of “living as if” it already happened, which is also what made me have the courage to spend the money to join scholars! I not only thought “I can afford this”, but I also thought, “I can’t afford NOT to do it!”. I have made some great progress so far, so I thank you deeply!

I want to keep living in the reality that this (pay out) has happened, to keep myself open to abundance, etc. Also the business I am creating is not anything that is crazy lucrative in itself, but it is my passion. I would love to live a life where I am working and making many contributions without the feeling that I “need to work to make money and survive”. This pending pay out would surely allow for that. But I am conflicted because what if it never really happens and I have just been strung along all this time? Done thought downloads and models!
I fear that I am being irresponsible to myself as well as those I love on the unintentional model, – and the intentional model is about- is there a downside to feeling deserving and abundant? There are many many pluses, but the reality of spending more than I have because I think I will be covered shortly seems like not a smart way to live.

I do not speak about this with anyone because I swear they would think I have lost my mind and I have questioned myself on that as well! Maybe I feel guilt if it did happen, because it isn’t something I have control over such as doing my own work, like getting my clients, and building up my money in that way. It is like waiting for money to drop out of the sky.
My question is, is it ridiculous to live “as if” about something like this that is not in my own control? Maybe I am afraid of living in a delusion. I thank you in advance for your feedback!