Am I Defensive About Being Defensive

Hi Brooke,
I am working on indulgent emotions, specifically defensiveness. Two times over the last two months someone said “you don’t need to get defensive”. I know that the first rule of feeling your feelings is awareness. I thought I was aware of when I tend to get defensive, however now I am not so sure…I thought I was explaining the facts of a misunderstanding…is that defensive?
C My boss told me he talked to our auditor and he said that I said I had concerns of flights he was claiming as business
T That was not what I said
F surprised
A re-iterate what I actually said to boss
R Boss told me not to get defensive

I really didn’t think I was and I didn’t even think about the situation until yesterday when I had a peer coach say I reacted defensively (again surprised) so now I am like, maybe I am defensive about being defensive (which would be too funny).

Anyways…I need the awareness first, so what should I be asking myself or looking for in myself if I want to determine if it is me being defensive, or if it is just others thoughts and feelings with me that really aren’t my business.
As always, any ideas would be appreciated!!