Am I Sabotaging Myself?

I’m having a difficult time lately. I’ve been going back and forth on leaving my current boyfriend. I have done a lot of thought work on it and I just think the relationship has completed itself. I love him dearly and think he is a great person we just don’t want the same things anymore and I know you don’t always have to want the same things I’m just at a point where I think I want to be single.

I’ve also been wanting to go on remote year where you travel for a year abroad and go to one new international city a month. You pay remote year monthly and then they take care of your living and work space and flights. I’ve wanted to do this for over a year now and went through the remote year approval process but was turned down to keep my old job and do remote year because of an acquisition. I worked to find and get a remote job which I did and have been working for about 3 months now and I was planning on pitching the idea to my new ceo in January after crushing the Q4 goals I created for myself. It’s come time to put down more money for the program (a deposit – which I’ll get back if my job says I can’t go) but I’m hesitating because I’m worried maybe it’s not what I want anymore. I want to continue to grow and build my coaching business. Maybe I can’t afford it and maybe I need to constrain my focus? I think these things and then don’t know if I’m sabotaging something because I’ve worked so hard to get it and now it’s really happening.

I was planning on going on remote year when my lease was up at this current apartment I’m in with my current boyfriend however I have all these thoughts:
I shouldn’t leave my bf because we’d have to pay 5k to break our lease
I shouldn’t leave my bf because maybe we’ll work out, he’s amazing and I love him so much maybe I just need to continue to work on it
I can’t do remote year and build my business because I’d be too busy with my current 9-5 job, second job, and travel, I’m taking on too much
I haven’t saved for remote year so I won’t be able to afford it
Maybe remote year isn’t for me and I should think about going after I’ve built my business
Why can’t I do all the things? Leave the bf, go on remote year, and build my business

I just feel like all the things are conflicting and maybe I’m trying to take on too much? I have options, like I could go on remote year later in 2019 idk, clearly this is a ball of confusion and I’m looking at like 4 different areas (relationship, money, job, travel) so how do I best approach this? I’ve been trying to think about if everything went best case scenario and when I think about it like that it looks like this,

I break up with the bf as nicely as possible completely from love, move to florida and live with my cousin to be close to family and someplace warm (I LOVE FL), sign up for remote year, pitch it to my 9 -5 job get approved, leave in May 2019, continue to build my coaching business and sometime during my remote year make the leap to full time coaching.

What do I do? Sorry I don’t have a model, I should probably do models on all my thoughts I listed above … please help, thank you in advance!