AWOL = avoidance

Hi there,
I have been AWOL quite a bit during relationships and confidence months due to increased work commitment and study due dates. But these are the months I need the most.

I did the podcast work for both months but few models.

What comes up is that I find relationships difficult to navigate. I feel as if there’s a rule book that everyone else knows about but me. I’m happily married (no kids) but outside that I find it stressful to keep up with friends or to know how often to do that or what that looks like. Or, I have a different lifestyle as my friends are all doing kid things. Aside from that, I keep myself interested and amused for hours on end without feeling I need anyone else.

In the past, I have avoided conflict or difficult conversations in relationships and this has caused me anxiety and at times, resentment. It feels easier to avoid getting too close to people in case I have to face any sort of pressure or anxiety that is uncomfortable. The price is sometimes a sense of isolation or loneliness, but at the same time, I have a few really good friends I can always call on.

My family is intestate and I rarely see them, maybe once per year.

What I seem to be making this all mean is that humans are wonderful and complicated and at times I feel very alone yet at other times I feel well connected to a variety of people. I see the strengths and good in others and appreciate and am inspired by that.

All that said, I would really like to feel warm, compassiate on and comfortable around others without any anxiety or pressure.

I sense this comes down to wanting to feel comfortable about saying no, and about feeling calm around confrontation or potential rejection.

So my UI model might be;

C = relationships
T = compicated, hard, anxiety, pressure
F = anxiety
A = avoidance
R = occasional isolation or loneliness

Whereas my IM could be
C = relationships
T = I can be warm, I can say no if I need to and release my expectations
F = Relieved
A = Be myself however that pans out – and be warm and respectful
R = enjoy enriching experiences

Does this kinda make sense? Thank you x