Can’t stop yelling

I yell at my kids pretty often (one especially). I say things I regret and sometimes get angry and critical. I have threatened to move out before.

After it’s over I now tell myself that their lives are supposed to be 50:50. But that feels like forgiving myself for something I just keep doing. Every year I vow to stop and then in the moment I have no awareness even to step out of the room. I feel out of control and think about moving out so they won’t be exposed to me any more.

My model:
C I yelled at my kids
T I don’t even realise until it’s over
F Hopeless
A No action. Regret. Make it mean I’m a failure and bad person.
R keep doing the same thing

How can I change?