change judgement to curiosity

Goal is weight loss.

I started to fill out 100 urges and the learn from it and move on worksheet. I did it for about 5 days and led myself into a depression, self harm ideation, and laying in bed in the morning not being able to think of any reason to get out of bed. So I quit the protocol (I know that quitting didn’t get me there any faster). I have a history of depression, and SCS has helped so much, but I have so much judgement and self loathing around my weight. I ignored it for so long, but being on protocol and weighing myself and filling out the worksheets is increasing my awareness and bringing up super negative thoughts and belief systems.
I am determined to keep going, but I am terrified of the self harm ideation that came up for me. I want to do this in a kids and loving way, but I’m not sure what my next step is. Should I try to go back on protocol and worksheets, should I do more models around my weight, should I do some self-love exercises?
One thought that helped me get through this faster than in the past is, “This is hard, but I can ask for help.”
So I’m asking for help and I will keep asking as I progress through this.
Thank you for being willing to help.