Changing self-limiting identity/thoughts

First, I just want to say how appreciative I am of all the SCS’ers who have been sharing aspects of their life so honestly. Thank you! I learn from everyone.

Brooke, I would like your insight.

In my heart, for as long as I remember (since I was very young) I have aspired to having a strong intellect, being an inventor, a scientist, a very high achiever. I am also a song writer and a guitar player. I did achieve moderate success in my career, getting a PhD, working in industry, including starting and selling a company with two other scientists, and I have over 30 patents and 25 publications. I did this without the support of my family-I went rogue- I had been the scapegoat-black sheep.

It has always been 2 steps forward 1.5 step back, swamped with emotional swings, self doubt and a sense that “I am not allowed to achieve the way I wish to achieve” (or not have what I want/not be who I want/not be capable). I also have this continual damped thought that I am a “loser” and will always be a loser.

I am one of the only women in my field. I still have the hunger and drive for one next big achievement and I think I would like it to be in my current field. I would also like to acquire huge knowledge in other areas and I am still willing to apply myself over the top. I would like to beat this self limiting characteristic once and for all. I tend to sometimes wallow in negative emotions instead of living life, studying, participating. I would like to soar

thought model
C- the dream (to invent, to create, to soar, to excel, to embody knowledge )
T-I am not allowed to be who I want to be
A-takes steps through molasses
R-moderate success

C- the dream (to invent, to create, to soar, to excel, to embody knowledge )
T-I am an inventor, a creator, and I embody much knowledge
A-naturally take action to create and to learn, absorbing and living life
R-satisfy my lifes purpose

please let me know your thoughts