Changing the Past

I’m working on the Self-Confidence and Self-love module in the Study Vault. This month’s homework is about picking one event from the past and changing it.

My event took place over the period of some years, but boils down basically to my mentally ill brother taking control of my mom and causing her to break contact with us. The story I tell myself is that my mom, who up to this point was loving and just the best, abandoned me in a way I could never had predicted. This devastated me, and I buried the crap out of it. But it’s becoming unearthed by spending time on the ocean, getting some help, and now, especially with SCS. But I’m struggling so hard with letting go of that story. I wrote down that it made me stronger and more empathetic, but I’m having so much trouble believing my new story. How can I make a bridge from so much heart ache to a story that I want to believe about this? I do know that it has made me more empathetic, but I don’t believe that I’m stronger. It’s been 15 years and it still causes me so much pain. I don’t feel strong at all.