Compelling reason

Hi Brooke
I understand the meaning of the compelling reason and this is my 6 month in scholars. I joined for OD. Heres the crazy thing. I have consumed so much information and admittedly have not been doing the work. I think sbout what i have consumed everyday and listen to podcasts all the time and watch the live calls. I realized this morning after reading someone elses post that i have never come up with a Compelling reason. My goal is to cut back on drinking in quantity and daily. Obviously i have not been successful. Its like i dont allow myself to go there because im afraid of failure which i know is part of the journey. But i still cant cone up with a compelling reason big or uncomfotable enough to make me really comitt to the work. Part of me thinks i just cant drink a little bit and a life without alcohol is scary and foreign to me. However, my obsessive thoughts over this habit make me very depressed. Like if a doctor said, oh your liver is dying i would be sooo mad at myself and stop drinking at once if there was a chance it would renew itself. If someone said, if you drink MORE than one one glass of wine a night and possibly two on the weekend, than your you will get deathly sick or someone you love will be taken away fron you…. i could do it. I know this sounds crazy but i just cant cone up with a true compelling reason. I have taken some action in terms of a compelling reason to stop drinking under a certain circumstance. I have decided not to drink at my daughters house (a mile away) while my 3 and 7 month old granddaughters are awake and need to be cared for. When i have drank (with my daughter and another fear of mine even when im not there and i know she is drinking) with her and the kids are around and all has gone fine, i go to sleep at night and wake fron nightmares that one of the children have fallen in their pool or some horrible thing concerning the children. So i have recently decided that is a compelling enough reason for me not to drink while the kids are around and it is just me or just me and my daughter home with the kids. I know i cant control her 2-4 glasses when im not there but i can control what i do. So in that situation my nit drinking is compelling enough for me. But i cant come up with an overall compelling enough reason to change my habit in other areas if my life.

Thanks for any help