Creating Emotions vs. Feeling Attraction

Hi Brooke and SCS Coaches,

I am a strong believer that, like all emotions and patterns of behavior, love is a choice. I do choose love (intentionally create loving feelings and focus on love-driven thinking patterns) in my relationship. What I am struggling to identify is the difference between feeling attraction to someone versus choosing to love them. I love my boyfriend of three years, but I’ve never experienced the feelings of “butterflies” or “electricity between us” or had the in-love-infatuation experience. This creates an imbalance in our relationship, as he experiences all of those feelings toward me.

Before starting to do the work you teach, I believed that attraction is not an emotion but rather a physical experience – and one that we don’t control. The way it was taught in my pre-med courses is that it’s a DNA- and environmentally-driven sensation that is either there or not there. Obviously there are physiological factors such as pheromones and hormones that impact our attraction to other people.

However, based on your work, since attraction is a Feeling – I should be able to create it. For months I have been trying to use my thoughts to create the feeling of attraction, but haven’t seen results like those I can create when I do this work in every other area of my life. I am trying to determine if I’m trying the wrong thing, or if I just need to do a lot more work than I have.

So – is “attraction” to another person, a physical experience that we CANNOT create or an emotional experience we CAN create?

Would LOVE your insight on this so I can stop indulging in confusion about staying or leaving the relationship!!

Thank you for all of the amazing work you do and the gifts of content you create for us week after week!