Depression Work-Gratitude

Two days ago I felt my depression come on. I had not had an episode in months. I compare it to going from Technicolor to black and white. It was late afternoon and I just dragged myself —hour to hour, minute to minute, and second to second. I had a tsunami of old familiar thoughts flood my mind..I wanted to escape by sleeping and hoping I would be okay in the morning! My husband noticed my “change.” It hurt to see his look of helplessness…the “I wish I could take your pain away” stare. I was trying to put into action my SCS skills, but was doing so -very slowly. I felt like my mind was like “ don’t try that SCS stuff on me.” I struggled yet decided to feel my depression. I noticed how my facial muscles felt and how my body felt. I felt the emptiness, the sadness, the knot in my throat, the lost feeling, etcetera. I noticed my thoughts and well, beat myself down for not being able to change them quickly and for not being able to figure out the trigger! The following morning, I was still depressed, but I immediately decided to forget about finding the trigger or to have my depression mean anything negative about me—that I was broken, a misfit! I wasn’t going to try to resist or escape it, but embrace it! I felt my depression and gave myself the gift of compassion, of love! I cried not out of sadness, but out of happiness, because I saw my depression like any other illness…, —like the flu, it would eventually clear up on its own… as long as I did my part—changing my thoughts…even if it meant just repeating the following simple, yet powerful thought: Today I am depressed and it’s ok! I need a little extra TLC today! I was able to see my previous day as a gift! I now could compare my results without and with my SCS tools! I’m proud of my work! I just wanted to say THANK YOU!!!! -Bea