Doing It Right

Hi Brooke,

I am following up to my “work overwhelm” question. I was definitely in deep when I wrote that and have had time to think about and do models on what’s going on. I have had time to practice a couple of new ones, too, but I welcome your thoughts or suggestions and coaching around where to go from here.

I have identified a thought that seems helpful but is actually really painful and runs rampant throughout every area of my life. It is the idea that there is a right way of doing things. It doesn’t often come in those exact words, but that’s the idea behind many of my thoughts. Particularly, I run into this at work so much. In other situations, I can avoid it much more easily by avoiding the entire situation.

C: Client requests a bit of work
T: I am not sure if I am supposed to just do it or estimate for the work. I am not sure what the right thing to do is.
F: Anxious. Doubt.
A: Procrastinate. Ask my boss.
R: Delays, not my best work. Feel like an incompetent child.

C: Client delivering incomplete website content
T: I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this.
F: Defeated.
A: Talk to my boss about it
R: Not taking responsibility or willingness to fail

C: Client’s incomplete website content
T: I can’t keep track of what we still need vs what’s been provided
F: Anxious, overwhelmed
A: Overplan, write out notes so I don’t forget (I inevitably do anyway or lose the notes), think we need to move to a new PM system

C: Work
T: There is a right way of doing things and I don’t know what that is.
F: Anxious, doubt, overwhelm, small
A: Run everything by my boss. Get his feedback on everything.
R: Time wasted, feel like a child and mistrusted, not my best work

C: Boss wants to review everything
T: I guess I’m not doing it right or he doesn’t trust me.
F: ashamed
A: Give him everything to review
R: Interrupt his own work to review mine, meetings that last too long and are unnecessary, not my best work

C: Conference networking event
T: Oh yeah, working from home made me forget I don’t know how to people. I hate these things.
F: Uncomfortable. Awkward in conversations. Anxious
A: Try to have conversations, be weird and creepy and awkward, or avoid people and sit by myself
R: No real connections

C: Conference talk
T: I’m going to suck. Attendees are going to want something I’m not talking about
F: Anxious
A: Wake up in the middle of the night. Buffer with Ask Brooke and Twitter. Don’t sleep. Lie in bed thinking all the thoughts over and over. Get up and do models.
R: Be sleepy for my talk. Try some new thoughts.

C: Conference talk
T: I might suck and that’s okay. I am committed to showing up as my best self.
F: Relief.
A: Review my slides. Take some deep breaths. Skip the keynote session to give myself some mental space to relax. Give my talk. Be able to speak coherently.
R: Recieve positive feedback from attendees.

C: Client delivers incomplete website content
T: I am NOT confused. I can deal with this.
F: Motivated.
A: Write an email with suggestions to our client, offer to write her content for her.
R: She wants to do it herself and we haven’t received it yet. Huge delays in project.