Freezing my eggs

There is part of me that wants to freeze my eggs so that I can preserve my fertility a bit longer (I’m 37). I’ve wanted to do this for years, because I feel like it would give me peace of mind, but I also a) don’t want to pay for it and b) I’m afraid of it being really painful and uncomfortable and c) my job requires a lot of running around and heavy lifting, so I won’t be able to really work properly.

What I know for sure is that my A line is “no action”. I have all these thoughts that just seem to cloud the situation, like: Should I do this in Arizona if it’s cheaper? I should call the insurance to find out if any of the medication is covered. Should I just do it here? Should I talk to my boss in advance? Should I take vacation? Etc.

I feel like I’m struggling to actually make the DECISION that I’m doing it. I’m also worried that it will hurt…would I do it if it were guaranteed painless? I think my answer is yes. If it were free and painless, would I do it? Yes. Still, I feel like I can’t take the next steps to getting this done, I feel stalled for some reason and I don’t know why. Okay so if I had already decided that I am going to do it, what would my next steps be? I would call the clinic, and set up the appointment. I really think it’s that simple. I’m very resistant, though and I don’t know why. I guess I don’t WANT to actually have this procedure, but I feel like I should if I ever want to have my own kids. I think I am being driven by fear.

I know this sounds confusing – I’m all mixed up in my mind about it. All I know is that I cant take the simple action of calling and booking the appointment, I’m just sitting on the fence and I’d like to get off.

T I have no idea
F Confident
A Make the decision to freeze or not
R Decision is made and I can take the next steps

Any other resources about decision making? Thank you!