Doing so great, and then that old feeling comes back…

Hi Brooke!

I have been doing so well in my life since starting SCS. Doing the homework, watching every video, making it to most calls, and really integrating the material. I’ve lost 15 lbs., stopped drinking, thrown myself an AWESOME 50th birthday party, and my belief for March is ’50 is the best year of my life.’ So I look a TON better than I did 15 lbs ago and night after night of over drinking. My skin looks completely different, no puffiness in my eyes, I’m dressing cuter (and shopping), and feeling great.

What takes me down (and this has happened before) is that when I walk among the world this way, I feel like I get a lot of attention. And then I feel judgment from ppl. It makes me feel like maybe I’m an exhibitionist, or like ppl.’s expression is ‘Oh, Geez, look at her. She’s got it easy.’ Like I’m some kept woman. I start to shrink, or feel ashamed, or feel like men think I’m trying to get attention – because I do tend to get attention from men when I look good. I have a curvy, sensual build, and when I’m at my best, it’s pretty noticeable.

I realize these are just my thoughts, and it is helping. But I feel like this is an old belief – that whenever I start to shine, others get freaked out, jealous, judge me, and make assumptions based on how happy I am. So I have in the past gone right back to bad habits and being kinda miserable!

I feel like I have SO much power in me that hasn’t been unleashed yet. I even think I went into a field so that other ppl would think I have a good heart. At my core, I feel like I am a powerhouse. I am so tired of playing small, but I’m too afraid of being judged to really step up. And I’m 50, for Pete’s sake!

Are you going to do one of your 6 day trainings this summer? I’m thinking full immersion with you and like minded ppl would do me a whole lotta good.

Much love and appreciation,