Guilt BM

Hi Brooke

I notice that I default easily to guilt, its kind of like my ‘go to’ emotion. I am building a development, its huge, I originally asked a friend if she wanted to be involved, she pulled out and said it was too much risk for her which I totally understand. I, however, went all in and forged ahead with my development, its been a challenging 12 months but things are coming together really well. I have not told anyone about the project, not family and not friends, its just the way I work, I like to hold my cards close to my chest and I put my head down and just get on with it. As part of the consenting process, other businesses in the area need to be informed of the project. My friend texted me this morning to say that she had heard that there was a development happening in the same area and that someone had stolen our idea. I then felt wracked with guilt, sick to the stomach and had to reply that I went ahead on the project on my own. She replied that she wished I had told her what I was doing. I feel like I have withheld information and kind of betrayed her by not telling her what I was doing. My sensible brain says, thats ridiculous, I have not betrayed her, I didn’t need to tell her about my project and she is entitled to feel anyway she likes. I think I feel guilty about practically everything, spending money, resting, eating, doing well, having money – absolutely. Like if things go well and I make money then I need to somehow pay an emotional debt. I know its madness and that my thoughts are making me feel this way but I am having trouble deciphering what they are, but guilt for all kinds of things is really massive in my life which makes me not share good things in my life as I don’t want to be responsible for others feelings of jealousy or envy as i know how poisonous these feelings are. I guess I feel that if i tell people how hard and difficult life is then they will feel like we are on the same team and my life is not better than theirs, that we struggle together. Would appreciate your insights, Many thanks BM