Handling anger in the moment

I just listened to your anger podcast and am trying to figure out a way to best handle that rage/anger/seeing red… moments that happen from time to time for me.

My anger isn’t about injustice like you reference in the podcast, typically something way more day to day, like a struggle at work with a client or defiance from my toddler.

I feel it in my body bubbling up and the thought that typically is behind the anger is “This shouldn’t be happening.” I yell and get mad and don’t at all show up as the person I want to be. Later, when I’m calm, I can see intellectually how the situation is manageable in a way that simply didn’t feel possible in the moment.

My question is… when I’m in it… the thought comes, the feeling of bubbling up… yelling… how can I stop it? Any tactics in that moment when I wouldn’t necessarily be able to stop and do a thought download/model?

Sometimes the thought in my IM to contrast my UIM is “This is doable. I can handle this.” but in the moment its just like I’m seeing red and mad!

thank you!