Help with intentional thoughts

Hi Brooke,
Thanks for focusing on relationships – really struggling with my husband right now and having trouble with intentional thoughts that are compelling enough to make me feel better / drive better actions.

Unintentional Model
C: Husband is grumpy and complaining about everything (including me)
T: This isn’t fair, I didn’t do anything, I shouldn’t have to listen to this, doesn’t he know that I’m experiencing the same stressors as him
F: Hurt, Unappreciated
A: I withdraw, stop engaging with him (essentially let him know what he’s doing is not acceptable to me)
R: He complains about me doing this = gets worse

I’m trying the intentional thoughts – “he does this (vents) and its not about me” but the problem is I also still find it annoying so obviously my feelings/actions follow accordingly. I truly believe his actions have nothing to do with me…. but can’t shut off the part of my brain that says I shouldn’t have to put up with this either.

Can you help me figure out what intentional thoughts I could be having to get through these times?