How to deal with repressed memories of sexual abuse

My therapist thinks that part of me remembers what happened to me but that my adult self is so unwilling to face it that I keep shutting out the memories. I end up feeling incapable of handling it and dissociate and shut down.

So I started to think of this as a Model and thought to try out a Thought Download.

Here’s what I have so far:

C: My father molested me
T: That can’t be true
T: I can’t believe that
T: There’s nothing I can do about it so why bother remembering
T: You stupid girl it’s all your fault so quit complaining about it

F: Triggered
A: Brain whites out / I shut down / Can’t handle talking or thinking about it / Curl up in a ball / Binge eat / Don’t date / Don’t pursue creative career / Avoid friends / Don’t build coaching biz
R: I can’t handle remembering

I’m adding the model to see how the R is something I’m proving with my T, although I’m having trouble seeing how they link. (Though I do see the A’s more clearly come from my T’s, which is helpful).

Curious ~ where do I go from here?