“I’m not legit”

I have 3 kids. I find it stressful to host play dates, overnights etc cause I feel i must constantly be “on”. Yesterday my 13 year old had a friend over at 3 and the friend stayed and stayed , my daughter made hints at her staying for dinner and I said okay (mortified that my meal wasn’t good enough). Then girls wanted to make face masks and although it was late and I hate messes I said yes. I felt pushed to be perfect hostess mom but really wanted girl home and my kids in bed. I pushed myself to do things I didn’t want to do so my house and my life would look “legit” – I rarely feel legit. I realize I buffer against this feeling cause I fear it- I drink it away , “busy” it away, eat it away – control it away- how can I allow the feeling of “I’m not legit – as mother, as wife, as person living in affluent professional town, as person” and trust there is positive in feeling it? What are thoughts for an IM that can help here? “I’m learning to see what I dont feel legit”? … that feels crappy 😀
Thank you!!