Judging myself v negatively.. Impossible to make an intentional model (2)

Again… From the questions received I can reply the following.
“…awareness of why you feel disgust and shame towards your image (photo), you get to decide if you want to continue believing your story about your weight”: I really don’t see how… I feel trap in the thoughts I have. I do feel that some overweight people are beautiful and sexy, dynamic… It doesn’t apply to me.

“What would happen if you continued to stay in your current story and judgment?”: I will be miserable and sad

“Why might you be ready to stop believing your story about your weight?”: that it defines me… but still. I come from a family where physical appearance is important and indeed, I do feel it is important. I do adhere to this thinking even if it means judging me, feeling I am too fat, so it means I am ugly, lazy (it means I don’t have the strength to loose weight). I am not lazy, I am making a lot of sport, I am trying to follow a protocol it is a lot of efforts but it doesn’t show.

“If you find yourself resistant to giving up old programming, ask your brain what it’s really trying to tell you here. What else is there to learn from this resistance?” That for me, I need to loose weight to be myself and look like my mental idea. That being fit and beautiful is one of my values and that I doesn’t live by it. I know it doesn’t serve me. I can’t find another thought that would be compassionate when it comes to thinking about myself. What thought could I have that I doesn’t feel trapped then restless?  Or shall I just accept and work on that value to be in phase even if it feels a bit shallow?