Manners the SCS way

There is a quote in which manners expert Emily Post says, “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.”
My guess is that you would disagree with Emily Post’s quote on manners, as it believes in a person’s ability to control how another feels through their own actions.

I want my kids to have good manners and be respectful of others, to have good character. What is the best way to teach this?…other than modeling it myself, of course, which I certainly do. I feel like at times they don’t want to be ‘friendly and helpful’ and although that is their choice, it makes them look bad. I want to encourage good manners without also bringing up how bad manners affect other people. They don’t seem to care how it actually makes them feel.

You are likely going to suggest I change my thinking about their manners, but as a parent, I am having a hard time accepting any thought such as, ’they can have bad manners, that’s their choice’ and just accepting my childrens bad manners. I just want some advice on how to teach manners that SCS way. I want to help them have the thoughts that create the action of good manners. Can I do that?