Manual for my ex-husband

I have a manual for my ex-husband. A few key bullets:
Pay your half of children’s expenses as agreed (he owes me thousands) and do not ask me for exceptions even if I can afford it. Grow a pair, be responsible and get your shit together.
Put the needs of our children above your own.
Do not complain to me about the reasons your life sucks. Own it and change it if you want.

When I think about how I want to feel toward him the answer is loving. And I want to show up as loving. Then the conflict arises. The idea of granting another exception to late payments or listening to him complain and be a victim feels awful. But these seem like the loving things to do. Where am I off in my thinking? Btw, I sincerely believe he does not wake up thinking “I want to suck at life today.” He is trying. But in my manual, he is falling short.