Manual vs needs

I’m newly separated after 28 years of marriage and 3 kids. I haven’t gotten what I want in this marriage (sex, empathy, a partnership) and am no longer willing to go without.

How do I tell the difference between that and having a manual? I really want to understand this so I’m making decisions coming from a clean place.

I know we need to give ourselves what we want others to give us, AND having sex is a huge way I show my love and connect with my spouse.

I’m not interested in an affair or an open marriage.