A Milestone instead of a Millstone

Dear Brooke,
I have spent forty six years trying daily to control things I have no control over. I have also spent the last forty six years claiming no control over things I can control, keeping my things and living spaces in order. Easiest thing in the world because they are my things, and it’s all my business. For some reason I had a thought error telling me I had no control over myself or my surroundings. I was a victim of my own shame and I did psychological self harm everyday about it. The worst part was I didn’t even consciously know I was harming myself each day with layers and layers of shame and thoughts about shame and victim mentality towards myself and blame. I was add odds with myself and blaming and shaming or feeling blamed and shamed. It just went round and round. Thank you for helping me step off that awful merry-go-round of shame. There was a lot more going on than I realized.
For the first time in my life, Today I woke up super excited this morning, to put my things in order, instead of with dread and a lump in my throat. I woke up ready and happy and grateful that I got to control the things I am supposed to control. I was giddy! This has never happened. I usually wake at 4 or 5am and lay in bed dreading the day or finding ways to shame myself or escape my shame with busyness or pleasure away from home. What did I do to my own mind after talking to you?! I Blew it! I had control over that. Thank you for helping me achieve the shift. I will keep you posted.