Model exercise – boundary issue or manual or am I missing something?

Hi Brooke,
I was doing the daily homework on this month and I think I am on the surface of something and not seeing the real issue.

Here is my Unintentional Model:
C: husband scheduled a playdate for two children and their dad to come over without asking me first for a time that he (my husband) wasn’t going to be home.
T: My husband is being pushy and controlling
T: He just wants the kids to have fun and he thinks this other dad is great
T: that’s fine – so why doesn’t he schedule HIS afternoon to hang out with them
T: I am not a daycare, I am trying to juggle two businesses and have the kids home for the summer
T: I do not want to entertain
T: I do not want to do this, I wanted to be home alone with the kids, take them to the pool for a couple hours, and then work while they play
T: I do not want to have to be nice, and now I’m going to be nice

I’ve run through the model with all those thoughts and it’s the last two that came up last and really zing me.

T: I do not want to have to be nice but now I have to be nice
F: seething
A: focus on the kids enjoying themselves (mostly – they also fought) for the afternoon, make small talk with the Dad – he is a great guy…but still seethe underneath because this is not how I wanted to spend my time
R: I think a combination of thoughts about myself: why can’t I be more light hearted about this?, I must be a bad person for being so pissed and so not wanting to do a playdate, I am a doormat, I don’t know how to stand up to my husband without feeling like a bad person and ashamed for wanting what I want…

And I think these combo of conflicting thoughts do go back to create that original thought – over and over I get myself in situations I do not really want to be in but then feel I have to be nice (which I know is not what I want to be), and on the backend I feel just really bitchy, guilty and even self-loathsome sometimes.

This feels like it goes in so many directions. Do you see a clear place where I should begin? Thank you, Brooke!