Model on trying to conceive

Hello Brooke and team,

I just joined SCS in July. I am beginning to realize that WOW, this is hard work! It’s hard changing your mind/ managing your thoughts. I have so much respect for you and your team, and all the students here. I was also coached last night and that was WAY different than I imagined (and thank you for that). It’s hard to put yourself out there and I really admire all of the students who volunteer to be coached. Definitely not the easiest choice. I’m so determined to stick this out for a full year. I want to be the best student I can possibly be. So here I am, at the beginning, stumbling for sure, but picking myself up again and again.

This is what I’m struggling with right now: I’ve been trying to conceive with my husband for the past several months and it hasn’t been successful. I want a child very much and I’m just really torn up about the fact that we haven’t been successful. I don’t think that a baby will make me “happier.” I want to raise another human, help them grow, and learn and be in the world. I know the science – and science says I need to keep trying before I’m eligible to get screening for fertility issues. I can’t help feeling disappointed each month when I realize that I’m still not pregnant and then I find myself beating myself up for even being upset because my husband and I haven’t been trying for that long. Which, I know from your work is not the way to go about things.

Here is what I’m modeling:
Unintentional model:
C: not pregnant (but trying)
T: I’ll never have a baby
F: hopeless, depressed
A: Keep trying or not – maybe give up/ inaction
R: No child

C: not pregnant, but trying
T: I will have a child (either naturally, through IVF, adoption, foster care)
F: determined
A: Keep trying naturally, go see the doctor when/ if it doesn’t work out. explore options
R: Child (eventually)

I get the model intellectually. I get what I’m writing on paper and see the power of following my thoughts through to the results but what I don’t understand is that regardless of how many times I do my intentional model, my unintentional model keeps coming up in my mind. I keep feeling sad/ depressed each month. Am I doing this right? Or is it just about practicing? I feel like I’m supposed to get to a point where the thought “I’ll never have a baby” doesn’t come up any more. Or, maybe I’m misunderstanding how the model is supposed to be used.

Thank you so much for your help!