Model Question

I have noticed a recurrent “feeling” in a lot of my models involving my children. Not even sure if that is truly a feeling or signifying something underlying. The feeling is “in control” or “not in control”. This comes up in both my unintentional and intentional models.
Eg- C- Kids follow instructions after repeating multiple times
T- These kids never listen, they are so lazy
F- lack of control over them(if i did have control- then that would have listened the first time??)
A- Frustrated, Anger
R- Be angry at them, tell them they are doing a bad job etc
An intentional model
C-Kids don’t listen
T- I am in charge of how I respond. I choose to let them be and just love them
F- in control of my emotions, understanding- their actions are not in my control(but they are not adults right?? i have to be in control of their actions as a responsible adult for them??)
A- take emotional responsibility
R- I am calm, they have still not done their stuff??
Help me process this please.