My Purpose

This is my 2nd year in SCS and last year my purpose in the August work was to Become the best version of myself. I liked this at the time because it could cover all areas of my life (weight, health, kids, home, career, friendship, spirituality) and all the ways that I wanted to improve and be better.

This year after a lot of reflection and a huge wake up call with the passing of my mother and reviewing last years work and this year’s previous months work, I have realized that really what I want is to Live My Life Deliberately which to me means I am living my life in alignment with my values and intentions and being deliberate with my thoughts, feelings and actions.

I like this SO much more than last year’s because I have realized that all of my goals and my purpose up to this point have had an underlying thought of “I am not good enough and I need to fill in the blank with whatever goal I am focused on) in order to feel better about myself and look better to others”. I had such a huge realization on this when I asked myself why I have not achieved my weight loss goal after nearly 10 years (including 2 years in scholars) of focus/massive action/failure on it. The answer is because the Thought driving my unintentional model was “I am not good enough the way I am” which continually resulted in my NOT losing weight and achieving my weight loss goal.

Unintentional Model
C: Weight goes up and down from 148 – 185 over a 10 year period
T: I am not good enough at this weight and I must lose weight to feel better and be the best version of myself
F: Desperate/Determined
A: Make elaborate plans, follow plan for a few days, feel overwhelmed with life/work/kids/house, etc., feel self-pity from all of my burdens, eat off plan, go off protocol, gain weight, repeat the cycle after 2 days – 2 months.
R: Gain and lose weight and continue to feel like there is something wrong with me but that I will never give up until I achieve this weight loss or die trying.

Intentional Model:
C: My Ideal Body Weight
T: I love myself and take care of myself just like my Future Self does
F: Self-Love/Acceptance
A: Make a realistic plan, constrain to stopping Overeating and continue to allow alcohol as long as it is planned 24 hours in advance, continue to collect/allow urges, daily weigh-in, weekly assessment, weekly coaching and tutoring, weekly meal planning and preparation and plan for business travel, include more self-care on my regular calendar (massage, nails, hair, clothes shopping). Constrain to this ONE main goal until achieved and then move on to the next one.
R: Achieve goal of Ideal Body weight in however long it takes

Would love any input or guidance on this as I start my new Intentional Model.