Need for sex and validation (MIM)

I have discovered recently that I put my worth and the status of my relationship in wether or not me and my partner of 2years have sex. And when we don’t I go into a spiral of “I am not ____ enough”
I tried a bridging thought of “That’s his choice, and that’s ok” and seemed to work temporarily.
But I still crave the attention, excitement and security.
I’m now indulging in confusion – do I work on thoughts on my worth, my need for validation, my beliefs in what sex means, or simply that the C can’t be changed? I’m trying really hard not to make it about me, but it’s really hard when I feel rejected daily. And I like having Sex!! I don’t want to change my thoughts to not wanting it?
I feel myself wanting to seek attention and validation outside the relationship.