Not showing up in my marriage

I’ve been working on my thoughts about my marriage for over a year and still the thought, “Nope! I would not marry this man again,” keeps popping up. Our 18-year marriage has been a challenge, to say the least, but I made the decision a year ago to stay with him for several reasons. I did and do like my reasons. I thought this month was going to be a breeze because I love myself and love other humans, but I’ve gotten stuck focusing my work on my husband. The intentional thought I keep working on is: “This is the exact marriage I need to become my best self.” It feels believable and good. I practice that thought, but still the “Nope!…” thought keeps coming up. What do I do with this? Should I reanalyze my reasons for staying? Practice a different thought? Or simply be ok with the fact that the “Nope” thought will pop up?

C: Marriage
T: “Nope!…”
F: Dissatisfied
A: Find things about him I don’t like, act annoyed, point out his flaws to others
R: Not the person I want to be, not the example I want to be to my kids, diminished relationship

C: Marriage
T: This is the exact marriage I need to become my best self
F: Excited
A: more kind, less critical, more positive, find the good in him, etc.
R: satisfied with self, improved relationship