Not sleeping well

Hi Brooke and team,

For the past two weeks, I have not been sleeping well. In the past, I would occasionally wake up too early and not be able to fall back asleep but now it’s been happening pretty consistently over the past two weeks. The other day, I had a dream where I was screaming and yelling at someone that I couldn’t sleep and woke up angry and irritable. I woke up feeling pretty angry and desperate today after another night of poor sleep.

I’ve never noticed this about myself before, but I think I’m actually an anxious person and I wonder if this is connected to my recent sleep issues- This is so fascinating to me because I also have a low tolerance for other anxious people in my life, whose anxiety manifests itself in much more transparent and obvious external ways. My struggle is much more internal. I think through doing this work I am now much more aware of what’s going on in my internal world. This month, for example, I’ve just started down the path of getting my certification in coaching and I am still sticking with SCS. I believe that continuing to do SCS will make me a better coach. My brain is kind of freaking out though. It’s saying to me: how on earth will I become a coach? How will I start my own business? I don’t know how to do any of those things. I’ve realized that I spend a lot of time worrying about the future, about what is to come, about the how and this doesn’t serve me. I’ve been doing models and telling myself: I am figuring out how to do something new. I am becoming a person who manages her anxiety. I am right where I’m supposed to be. I am exactly as I should be. I am capable of achieving all of my goals. Everyday, in addition to the regular homework, I’ve been doing thought downloads about my anxiety and doing models.

The anxiety is still there though. The sleeplessness is still there. I’ve started keeping a sleep diary in the event I need to go visit my doctor. I feel like I’m creating a problem on top of a problem on top of a problem in my mind.

Here is my model on my sleep:

C: waking up at 2 am and not falling back asleep for several hours every other night for the past 2 weeks
T: My body and mind are working against me
F: enraged
A: stop sticking to my routines of exercising every day in order to catch up on sleep; be irritable with family, friends, and co-workers; don’t follow guidelines for how to get back to a more normal sleep schedule
R: potentially prolong abnormal sleep habits

Intentional model:
C: waking up at 2 am and not falling back asleep for several hours every other night for the past 2 weeks
T: I love my body no matter what
F: compassionate
A: stick to normal routines (waking up at the same time/ going to bed at the same time, exercising); practice new behaviors for better sleep hygiene (e.g if awake for more than 20 minutes in the middle of the night, get up and go do something else relaxing, do sleep meditation, take a warm shower before bed); keep sleep diary and visit doctor as needed
R: increased compassion for myself

So, my intentional model is where I need to be. I am seeing that feeling enraged and thinking that my mind and body are working against me are not serving me and may very well in fact be counterproductive to getting my sleep habits back on track. I’m not really sure if there is a question in this post per se but I would appreciate any feedback you have to offer. Thanks so much again for all the work that you do! – Kristin