Patterns of distraction

One of my reasons for joining SCS was to learn Monday our one and get better mastery over my time. I work for a large company and find myself working long days and weekends because of an inefficient use of my time, overthinking, and sloppy decision making.

I’ve been using Monday hour one and my experience has been “hit or miss” this first month I’ve been in scholars. I know it’s a practice and it will take time before I start seeing consistent improvement.

I’m still working 10 hour days and putting time in on the weekends. But this last weekend I took off Friday and had a 3day weekend for my birthday. I allowed myself all weekend to check out from work, models/journaling, errands etc. to just relax.

But on Monday I found it really hard to get back into the swing of things. I feel numb and I’m not even sure what I’m feeling. When I try to sit with my feelings I just feel an urge to move around/ jumpy. I am observing myself being distracted, buffering by snacking and getting distracted in my own thoughts, rethinking with the same tasks over and over again.

Monday and Tuesday Were not very productive. When I focus myself to work on doing a thought download to put together my MHO plan for the rest of the week I can barely sit still.

I am observing how I am creating the situation where I will need to work later into the evening and on the weekend to catch up for the loss of productivity due to my distraction.

I keep needing coaching around this and I have yet to found the right thoughts to get me in a neutral space so I can do my work.
I’m tired of repeating the cycle that is stealing my time and literally my ability to uplevel my life.

I’m watching myself see projects with high priority and big deadlines get pushed down for that reactive low hanging fruit, returning emails somebody else’s urgent request. But I also I’m watching myself feel completely immobilized to prioritize my “big rocks “and focus on those. Which again just propagates the pattern of waiting for crisis to happen and then scrambling at the last minute with lots of stress and anxiety to finish it. And again taking more time out of my life by working longer hours and weekends.

If I can see this happening, why can’t I make myself just do the work. It’s not even that hard. It’s just tedious and not that interesting.
How can I start creating focus energy to get through these projects? I’m so tired of these patterns.