Private Drinking

I am an outgoing person. I can easily chat and have fun without drinking and I believe this thought, my issue is when I am on my own.

I must have a belief that alcohol does something for me and I am trying to chase down those thoughts. When I get a request for a drink, I often don’t answer it and it is often easy to see why and I can sit with these times, an example would be, I have had a stressful day (I know this is a thought) or even I had a great day and want a buzz/celebration – I can feel, experience and then move into a new model which I believe and can operate from. When I can easily see the thoughts I can welcome the feelings and sit with it, feel it without resisting. The difficulty comes to me when I just get the almost fleeting request for a drink with no obvious accompanying thoughts. I have sat with these times and asked myself the ‘why’ questions and I can’t find the answer. I have even tried the “well if I did know, what would the answer be?” question and nothing. These are the times I have answered the urge to drink and it is often when I am on my own, in a good mindset, with nothing particular going on – I just think “fuck it, I want it”. It all seems so harmless …… I really want to learn to manage this as I do believe it will help me grow and once I start drinking I don’t stop and I get plastered let I can go months without it! I like my reason for wanting to stop, so it matters to me.

I’m very nearly a diamond member, so not new to this work.