Re-committed to my protocol of no sugar, no flour, no alcohol.

Protocol – Recommitted and for my 30 day goal – gave up sugar, flour and alcohol. Finishing week 4 this week.
I decided for first 2 weeks I’d have no joy eats or alcohol. But after that I can.

I haven’t wanted sugar and flour.
And alcohol has been easy too, but I haven’t been in any situations (other than a couple dinners out with bf) that I wanted some but chose not too because I am doing so well.

I have a party coming up this coming Saturday and I’ve been debating and debating on whether or not I want to allow myself to drink 2 drinks.
I’m so surprised with myself as to why this is such a big deal to me now.

I realized I drink because I’m uncomfortable and use it as a social lubricant (not always but only when with bf and his friends).
I don’t drink when it’s parties with my family, don’t even need the alcohol. Interesting.

So the idea of allowing myself 2 drinks make me feel like I will have let myself down.
The whole premise of me giving it up is to allow myself to be uncomfortable in all social situations. Learn to be uncomfortable. Plus it’s not healthy and not drinking is better for my body.

But then on the other hand, having 2 drinks and planning in advance and not having more than that will also be uncomfortable because I will need to stop at 2 whereas I usually would have a few more than that.

Out of these two, the first scenario makes me more uncomfortable to think about.
I don’t know if those are the true reasons or if it’s I just don’t want to feel like I let myself down by drinking again.
I’m not an alcoholic by any means, but I’m so very surprised how much my brain is making this a big deal about this upcoming party.
I’m not freaking out about the food and the food used to be the issue.

I know that I can choose either way, and then do a model on how I want to think and feel about it.

I think in my soul I am so determined to truly do this work and learn to be uncomfortable because I am after all a life coach on my way to certification thru this work.

I don’t know if I’ve decided to give up alcohol completely, I think I’m still figuring all of that out, which is allowing me indulging in this confusion.
On the other hand, I read in the course materials that allowing it and planning it 24 hours in advance is an opportunity to learn how I feel when I do have it and practice having only what I say I’m going to have.

I don’t even know why I’m asking you, I have all the answers within me.
It really boils down to, what do I want to do?
And do that. Then work on all the thoughts that come up from there.

I guess my question is, is all this back and forth in my head over this normal?
It’s so surprising to me.