Rejecting intimacy

Hi Brooke! My person of focus this week has been my husband — and it’s been eye-opening. We’ve been married 15 years & he’s a truly good man – kind, smart, hard-working, supportive, loving, reliable, great Dad. How do I show up? I am a good friend but I make no effort to be loving or sexy. I withhold love. I don’t want to be intimate. And that all seems to come down to wanting him to be different so that I can find him more attractive. I WANT to want him, that would make our life and marriage so much better. But the more I try to make it happen, creating intentional thoughts to remind myself he’s a great guy etc. the more I have this feeling of it being an obligation rather than a desire, and I end up pushing him away even more. Does that make sense??
On the upside, I’m so relieved to recognize I probably need new thoughts rather than a new husband!