Relationship with my body – 3

Thank you so much for your last reply. I’d like to focus on this part of your answer :

« This is too often. (R: I’m not defining what “often” means. I have a manual for my physical symptom. If it happens X amount, I’ll let myself feel happy. If not, I won’t.) »

Yes, I do have a manual. I’ve written it down today.
I understand that if I keep those expectations I won’t let myself be happy very often, but I feel so much resistance.
Here are my models :

C : Manual on my physical symptoms
T : Nobody would let itself be happy with such symptoms
F : Resistance
A : I don’t question my relationship with my body and symptoms. I don’t try a different way of dealing with this.
R : I don’t try to get better

C : Manual on my physical symptoms
T : people expect me to be angry at my situation and will find it weird if I don’t
F : stuck
A : I complain about my symptoms. I’m not curious about how it would be to feel different about my symptoms. I’m imagining what people would think of me if I did.
R : I am limiting myself at being angry.

C : Manual on my physical symptoms
T : I am angry at the situation, I’m not sure I want to be happy with it
F : resistance
A : I don’t really allow angriness, I don’t try to create happiness
R : I am resisting to the situation

C : Manual on my physical symptoms
T : If I let myself be happy with that situation, I let go the life I wanted for me
E : resistance
A : I follow my manual. I get angry at my physical symptoms. I complain about what I don’t have and what I can’t do. I imagine the life I would like to have.
R : I am not creating the life I wanted for me.

What can I do with my manual ? What can I do with those thoughts ?