Relationship with my person

I desperately need clarification on how I just allow and accept my husband to be who he is, a human being? I’ve dropped the manual and all expectations of who he needs to be to fulfill my needs. I’ve made requests of him without expecting him to meet them. How can all this work on my marriage be only one sided and there is nothing the other person needs to do? He’s the only person that I am choosing to focus on during this entire month’s relationship HW. I felt so re-energized to learn new concepts and dive into this month’s topic until I became completely depleted after having several arguments with my husband. Repairing our marriage is the reason I decided to join SCS. I’ve been doing SCS since November and my husband claims that he hasn’t noticed any major transformation or change in my behavior/reactions toward him. He gets upset each and every month that our credit card gets charged from SCS. He claims that I’m being brainwashed from things you are teaching me, that “you haven’t been able to fix me” in order for me to be the “obedient wife who listens to her husband and does as he says”. I understand that I need to do all the work on the relationship and he gets to be who he is so I can have someone to love. Each time I move forward towards love and compassion for him, I set myself back 10 steps with his constant comments, blaming, opinions, judgments, criticisms and belittlement’s he says to me. He truly believes I’m wasting my time and money on SCS. Whenever I show up as myself by meeting my own needs so I can be a better mother and wife he says that “I’m being selfish and rebelling against him”. I get that what he says are only his thoughts and not factual, but it’s really taking on toll on my self-esteem. Repairing my marriage has been my ultimate goal for this year and there have been so many epic fails between my husband and I that have occurred since joining SCS. I’ve spent countless hours writing, listening and reading to complete each month’s SCS homework assignments. I am completely and wholeheartedly emotionally drained with all the thought downloads, allowing feelings and completing models after having major disputes with my husband over the past 7 months. Like you mentioned I’m trying to love and be happy with him and myself before I make a decision to stay or leave. When does all the work that I’ve done and learned about jumpstart my brain’s neurons that fire together then wire together.