Self imposed efforts vs sabotage

Here follow 2 types of dissonant unintentional models
category 1:
* C life
* T the harder is life and I can win hard battles the more I am worthy, the more I deserve respect (from me and others)
* F responsible
* A make life harder
* R unnecessary suffering

* C life
* T my life has less struggles that others lifes
* F guilty
* A complicate it by creating artificial struggles
* R unnecessary suffering for me + not making life any better for the others

category 2:
* C life
* T People who achieve and succeed always challenge themself. I want to do the same
* F convinced
* A consider self imposed challenges and obstacles as appropriate
* R stick to them
I am aware to have this two dissonant category of models, but I am no idea yet of how to move beyond this dissonance. So basically I am in this constant struggle to figure out what self imposed effort is positive/appropriate and which one is self-sabotage. Would greatly appreciate you advice, thanks