Stop playing the victim role

What are the positive thoughts and strategies that I can apply to my everyday life to stop being a victim and feeling guilty when I’m with my loved ones? I’m having a difficult time applying all that I am learning through your podcasts and scholars program when I with loved ones who make me feel as if I’m not good enough. In theory, with all that I’ve been reading and listening to, I realize that my thoughts are creating how I feel. I know that when a loved one does or says something negative to me I cannot control it, I can only control my own thoughts and meet my own needs. Why does that part of my brain take over and attack the person who I believe is blaming or criticizing me? It’s as if all that I’m learning about to control my emotions goes out the window as soon as I confronted by a negative comment a loved one says. Please help me to control my negative feelings and emotions when I’m with my loved ones. This is the main reason why I decided to join the scholars program this month.
Thank you. Keep up the amazing work that you all do.