this one is for brooke

hi brooke

i hope you can answer me this question because i feel like you have gone through it.
so i signed up scs because of my doubting thoughts about my bf.
now that i have so much awareness i’ve found out that i feel attraction to men who are mysterious, calm, lead the way, say the right and secure thing, charming. maybe you get the picture.
i felt so attracted to them because as i’ve found out with a coach.. because its more rewarding , exciting and dangerous.
so whenever my bf didn’t act that way i felt doubt and sometimes even disgust which led to disconnect and that i thought he isn’t the right one.
which created panic in me . of course!

now what i want to work on and i think is going on with me is that i don’t feel that attraction with him because its to good and to normal and to calm.
i want to learn to be fully attracted to this kind of relationship.
how i see our relationship:
we are best friends
we are travelling the world together
we have each others back
we help each other out
we look out for each other
we are honest
we do so many different cool things

how i see him:
he’s so fun
he’s so smart
he has the biggest heart
he’s adventurous
he’s creative

and that’s amazing but this dangerous attraction is missing to make him feel my right person and when its missing i’m like: yea he has all these good qualities but it feels like its just not enough. it doesn’t bring me the feeling i want.
and that’s the one million dollar question:
do i learn to feel like i feel when in present with the “bad guy”
or do i train my brain to love this relationship and to get comfortable with being in such a healthy relationship and feeling 100% secure?
does that make any sense?

also when i feel like he’s the right person and i feel 100% attraction to this kind of relationship that we have i can be more understanding and be more there for him.
for example today he had a panic attack and was being really negative about it and sarcastic. which is so unattractive especially when i already have the thought and story in my mind that he should be more like the dangerous kind of guy.
so of course i got angry with him and told him he has to stop being so negative. all with the intention so i won’t feel bad about him. because if he’s so negative, i think bad about him and then i don’t feel attracted to him.
but if the “bad boy” would do that i would be totally ok with it because you know i look up to him. he’s got me.

i hoped that brooke could answer me because it seemed like she had to learn to love chris.
as she was always taking unavailable men.

thanks brooke!