Two Models-Do I trust my feelings to differentiate when I won’t know the outcome?

Here are two incomplete models. These are about a relationship with two different actions and unknown results.

Model 1:
C-we discussed and chose for the relationship to end
T- I’m free the future is mine
F- Excited, scared, free
A- began discussing what we would do and how to get there, selling house etc.
R- Lots of emotions? (also probably another model, but one of my sons threw me under the bus…this isn’t their father)

Model 2
C – Both of us emotional and overwhelmed
T – I’m hurting him, this is painful
F – like crap, sad
R – He says let’s try again and I agree but start FEELING uneasy and life draining???

I didn’t let the first model complete…as in getting to the breakup and seeing if it would result in the outcome I would want. Life is 50-50 and I know there are no guarantees, but I seem to have more hope being on my own.

We have been in a relationship for about three years. We broke up (my initiation) but after a few months when his brother was dying we got together and the emotional stuff felt kind of connective and we went full force ahead.

We have bought a house and have been together about a year and a half. We kind of split again as the first model and four days later he said let’s give it another try and I said yes. We are completely different people. He is about nine years older.

Since I have been actively working on myself I feel so young and full of life (I’m 58 lol) the gap seems so big. He is a very nice man and he thinks I am a very nice woman, we care for each other. We both people please and hate making the other miserable, yet we did have a miserable last year.

Now I’m feeling tight like I may have made another emotional quick decision that I will be unhappy with. I don’t want us to suffer down the road but I’m not sure 100% how to read the feelings. I know we aren’t to be led by our feelings, but they seem to be the only really telltale.

I know as much as I care for him, I wouldn’t give him a thought if I re-met him. All I think about is creating a life for myself and proving that I can do it and live out loud. I am so SELF-focused that it is a bit embarrassing. Never have been before so it seems like the FEELINGS are hard and difficult in each model. Any insight on the value of my feelings? Thank you. Very appreciative.