Vaccine question

From what Brooke shares about her divorce, it seems that a reason for why we do or don’t do something can simply be because “I want to.”

My opinion on getting the vaccine is very much an intuitive feeling. It’s not based on science or research or news reports or anything. It’s just a felt sense in my body that feels aversion to it.

There’s many people who would say I’m stupid, selfish, irresponsible, hurtful, etc.

And I guess the best response I can come up with is, “yes, you’re right. This is a very selfish feeling. And it definitely might be stupid and irresponsible and hurtful.”

When I think that- it brings me towards neutral with a dash of shame. Which makes sense- of course I don’t want to hurt anyone. And of course I don’t want to be ostracized. It’s wired in to being part of the group.

I guess what I don’t understand is, “our thoughts and feelings are a choice”…but when I think of getting the vaccine, I do not feel alignment with it. There’s not really a thought that goes with it. It’s just a body/intuitive aversion. Does that make sense?

Do I try to believe the new thought and feeling that I AM in alignment with getting the vaccine?

How do we know to follow our intuition or to go with the flow of the majority of people?

I don’t feel like I’m resisting anything- it just feels like a very natural and free “not for me” feeling.

But then some people will talk to me, assuming that I have received the vaccine and say things like “can you believe these anti-Vaxxers?” And “you can’t fix stupid.” And “I almost hoped this person, thinking he was smart but he is refusing the vaccine.” And “I guess it will be survival of the smartest.” Etc. When I hear these comments I practice just allowing them to wash over me.

I don’t admit that I’m not vaccinated, which doesn’t feel great because I have the thoughts: I’m lying. I’m not being my full self. I’m trying to be something I’m not to be accepted. Etc.

I have tried on the thoughts: It’s none of their business. I can keep a safe distance in case I’m wrong. I accept me and my choice. I’m in 100% alignment with my choice.

But the other voice is still there.

Do I tell/offer that information?
Is that being more authentic and more me?
Or do I hide it, even if they ask me directly because I don’t believe they will get sick from me?
Or do I change that thought to try and believe that I can get them sick and I need to get a vaccine to protect my community?

Sorry if this whole post is a bit convoluted.
But any guidance or thoughts would be very very helpful! I’m not into self-righteousness. I really just want to do what I sense is best for me and the whole. But it feels like it’s something worth checking in about when having a sense of things that’s so different from the seemingly majority of other people.

I could just as easily think: write, everyone who DOES get a vaccine is so stupid because x, y and z. But I don’t. I think- that totally makes sense that they want to get it. They’ve been told to fear something. They’re seeing evidence through the news and themselves or loved ones getting sick and/or dying, and they’re being told that the vaccine is the answer.

I feel like it doesn’t make sense that I don’t feel aligned with it actually. I mean there are thoughts that I can borrow from others like: it hasn’t been researched enough, I don’t trust the news, it’s all a scam, I’m against vaccines, etc. but those aren’t really my thoughts either. It’s just an inner “knowing.”

Anyways, any guidance is appreciated!