Watching someone’s thoughts spin.

I was living with my boyfriend for two years. Commuting to work daily, he was aware I was not enjoying where we lived but enjoyed our relationship. I realized that if I just went forward to create less stress for myself by moving closer to work that we could still spend quality time together with my health being improved. My current boyfriend agreed that was a good idea for my health and we got along the last month of my transition.

Yet when I moved, he conveyed to me that he was grieving the loss of our relationship with me moving. I was confused because we can see each other every night if we wanted to because we are just an hour away. I was watching his mind spin out as he communicated to me what my move meant about him and what I was “really” doing, though I was happy and loving him each time we met. What turned into an agreed move turned into a breakup.

I am accepting that and been moving through my own grief and yearning for him. However, I wondered what do I do while he, who is not aware of thought models, is coming to his own conclusions with his thoughts? Was this not as close of a relationship as I thought? I apologized and offered possible solutions but I also found I had to set boundaries about being accused and treated critically.

I just sometimes feel powerless that there is anything I can do besides apologize, allow his thought model to overpower the circumstances of what he believes about me and walk away. Dealing with reality of what is, he is not open to getting back with me, it must be that he wasn’t that committed to us, though that is the thought that he has been saying about me. He is saying that it is me that is not committed to us. Trippy!