What my boyfriend thinks of me

My boyfriend and I have been off and on for 11 years. Whenever he gets upset with me he will go down a list of things he doesn’t like about me. While I recognize I do not want to be with someone who does this, there a few things on the list that I do not like about myself and would like to change. For example, I talk far more than I listen and find difficult actively listening. I am often annoyed when others talk.

I have felt that I am not enough for a majority of these eleven years and I would like to change that. I know this involves changing my thoughts about myself; however, I find myself not wanting to change my thoughts. I am so used to this back and forth with my boyfriend and so used to the self-sabotage, I can’t find the courage to start over.

I know this all boils down to my thoughts but I am having trouble getting started especially when I become uncontrollably emotional when talking about it or thinking about it.