Why do I stop doing what works?

I’m working on shifting self-hate and I have done a lot of things that help in the past. I’m constantly frustrated that I have a tendency to stop doing what helps (meditation, journaling, thought downloads and modeling, EFT, etc.) and I feel like unconscious thoughts are driving it because it feels like I numb out and don’t realize I’ve quit. Then it takes effort to start again. Then I go to numb and I’ve stopped again. What is my brain doing and how do I get it to do what I want which is feel better, like myself and treat myself with excellent care? I don’t feel like that’s too much to ask, but I did just notice myself having thoughts as I wrote the last sentence stating my self-relationship goals that I was being greedy and of course that’s too much to ask, I couldn’t possibly deserve that. But I haven’t come up with an answer why I don’t other than “just because you don’t. Some people don’t. You’re one of them.” But I think I ultimately believe I deserve to like myself and treat myself well, otherwise I wouldn’t be doing this! So when am I just going to like myself and do what works and stop stopping! I guess at least I keep making an effort to start again. That’s something.