Compelling Offer

I am an LCS Certified Coach. I am listening to Double Your Biz in 30 days. and would like some feedback.

This is the offer I am working on:
I help empty nest moms who want to reverse pre-Diabetes and Type 2 Diabetes and end their slavery to numbers: carb counting, blood sugar meters, and expensive medications.

I have done this personally and offer a paid group coaching program inside a private FB group and Zoom.

I currently have 8 paid clients in the group, but want to make my marketing more compelling.